Why I Started My Weight Loss Journey

I often get asked: How and why did you start losing weight? We’ll get to the how next week.

So, let’s rewind to January 2019, and begin with the why.

December 2018.
 I'm so glad my sister-in-law captured this moment with my baby nephew <3 (blurred)

I really do wish I had one simple answer or one specific decisive moment. One heartfelt (or negative) conversation with a friend or a relative. A break-up. A fight. A rock-bottom. Losing a job. Trying to prove myself to someone. But the truth is… that wasn’t the case for me. It was January 2019; I was 245.6 pounds and could have kept going.

I didn’t wait for the near-death warning at the doctor’s office to change my life. It wasn’t anything in specific, it was everything.

It took me some time to understand that you can be happy with yourself and still want to improve yourself. I didn’t want to lose weight before because, quite honestly, I didn’t care to. I was good. I was enjoying life. Why should I try to tackle a journey everyone struggles so much with? I don’t want that for me. Why would I put myself through a stressful weight loss journey, when I’m just fine? Everyone says it’s difficult. Everyone says it’s challenging. Everyone on a diet hates their bodies. I don’t. I’m gucci. I don’t need that.

And yes. I was happy. I felt healthy… Until I didn’t.

Shortness of breath, constant exhaustion, lack of physical motivation, falling asleep at work… And then there was the superficial side of my motivation: wanting to wear rompers, jumpsuits, heels, and cute clothes I could never find at plus-size stores. Then there were my nephews, whom I loved playing with, but I just didn’t have enough energy to prance around long enough for. Then I started going on more dates, and even though I had never been insecure, it sometimes crossed my mind that boys might focus on my weight and not me. Then there was this idea in the back of my head that my mom was concerned about my health, and I wanted to give her one less thing to stress about. I also didn’t want to get diabetes and I’m scared of needles… So, I thought, like, “Gotta chill on the donuts.”

Lizzo’s Good as Hell song made me reflect on my life. It spoke to me in ways no other song has. It’s hilarious to think about now, but I kept saying: Am I feeling good as hell? I’m not. Why am I not feeling good as hell? How do I get there again? I played that song over and over again, and still love it so much.

Lastly, my job was a huge indication that something was wrong with the way I was eating and my lack of exercise. I love my job a lot; I enjoy going to work every day. However, I was starting to fall asleep in my office. I didn’t feel the joy of coordinating an event, or a retreat, or a workshop, or a conference- and these were all things I loved to do. It then daunted on me that my lack of motivation at work was a consequence of my weight and not taking my vitamins.

All these small reasons built up, and then one weekend I decided it was going to happen. And so, it did.

It just happened.

On Friday, January 18th, 2019, I got off work and decided that I was ready to change all the things that were not making me feel healthy and to improve my life.

This has to come from within you. 

You have to want it. Really want it. 

I wired my brain into understanding that improving myself

  was not synonymous with hating myself; rather, I realized 

that it was synonymous with loving myself so much that

 I wanted to be the best version of myself I could possibly be.

My weight loss journey officially began on Monday, January 21^st, 2019 at 245.6 pounds.

January 2019

I told myself that if I wanted it so badly, I would do it. 

You just need to want it. You need to put on your big-girl panties and do the work. Things won’t change unless you do.

If you continue doing the same things you’ve always done, you’ll get the same results in the end. Yeah, you might enjoy that one-hour of binge eating while watching Netflix, but what is that hour adding to your life? In what ways are your everyday decisions improving your life? Health is an everyday choice. I later discovered that the secret to losing weight was nothing but simple logical math: 1 + 1 = 2. It doesn’t matter how many self-help books you read, how many YouTube videos you watch, or how many IG accounts you follow; if it doesn’t come from within you, it won’t work.

Vision what you want.

Whether that is to be skinny, healthy, or fit

 Then ask yourself: how bad do you want it? 

Because if you don’t want it bad enough, you will quit.

And if you want it, you'll do it.

Making the decision to change my life was, by far, the best decision I've ever made. Don't wait for your health to deteriorate to live healthy. Don't wait for the warning bells to ring. Do it. Do it now. You don't need a reason other than taking back your own life. This is your time, this is your year.

If you want it, you’ll do it.

Be kind to people.

-Cabi